Melanie and Her Mask.

            To understand Melanie in a better way, you first have to know some things about her background. But with that, not everyone can know… or cares enough to know. Some things from her past have changed her; left her scarred in an emotional way, and bruised down to the bone, which is a painful type of bruise. And when you’ve been hurt that bad, can you ever fully recover; not in a sense of physically, but mentally and emotionally. It’s hard to explain Melanie’s life in a simple way. And with that reason, it’s why she pushes her past away and just acts how she does without telling anyone why. Although, one person knows.

            Melanie is young. She's around 16 in Korean years, and 15 internationally. This year, 2013, she turns 17 in Korean years. This, to some, might not be that young, but it is. She is merely an adolescent, a child; always a child at heart no matter what. And because of this, she takes everything to heart ten times more, whether she shows it or not. Because she is so young, she looks at everything with a fresh mind and will always expect the good in people. But anymore, her naïve, childish ways have started to falter, leaving her confused and worried that she is changing entirely.

            If you question why, though, she won’t tell you. If she tells you, she’d have to explain the reasons behind her over-exaggerated, completely insane childish act she puts on every day – she won’t go that far into telling anyone those reasons.

            But today, as she sat with a friend and chatted about weird things, adventures, and candy (as usual), something was said – a simple word – that brought her back into the past, collapsing the walls she built up, and making her face go expressionless. Although this went unnoticed by her friend, deep down her entire complex changed, her mood changed, and she was pushed into a deep hole of her memories; one by one they buried themselves over her, suffocating her.

            What she did after her chat with her friend was go to the one person she trusted, Juliane, and told her. Juliane was the one who knew her past like a book, knew how she truly was, and why she acted like she did. Sitting down beside her, Melanie told her, “Unnie, that moment... when someone calls you ‘princess’... and deep down... you want to cry. Because it reminds you of stuff.” Now, Juliane didn’t know how to respond that well; concerned for her dongsaeng and close friend, she asked though – who called her that. Melanie told her.

            It was after that that Melanie went back and buried herself in the memories again. The memories were of her and her old boyfriend. Now... she hadn’t really thought much of the boy in months; he occasionally crossed her mind, or something would happen where he’d jump back into her thoughts, lurking there for moments before she shoved him away. But it was one word, one simple, little word that had brought him back – and this time it hurt.

            You see, Melanie and Jay seemed to have a perfect relationship – they were sweet and cute together and got along well. Melanie has always been hyper, but back then if you’d chat with her, she was sweeter and calmer. Although she was a tad crazy, always lost in her imagination and bringing up candy at every moment’s notice. But other than that, she was a normal, somewhat calm girl. She had never had a real boyfriend before. And he was her first. And she was his first.

            The two got together in November, not long after they met, and lasted until February the next year. Melanie’s hyperactivity gradually grew, but it didn’t get quite out of hand until after breakup; no one really took notice to it anyways.

            Melanie had fell head-over-hells for Jay in the end, though. She loved him with all of her heart. And when the day came when he first left, she cried. She broke down, hugging onto Juliane for comfort, saddened and hurt. He came back though, and not long after, the two split up, parted ways, and were another broken couple. Melanie didn’t question it too much. And from Jay’s perspective, she didn’t seem all too broken about it. This was the beginning of Melanie’s lies and acting. It was masked by something so simple and easy to do: act overly hyper and childish and push her candy obsession upfront and into the spotlight.

            With all that being said, no one ever really took notice to her change. Since she had gradually gotten more hyper, people didn’t question it. And with old friends leaving and new friends entering her life, the new ones just assumed she was naturally that way. Which... she wasn’t. Deep down, Melanie was upset and wanted to cry. And not long after she and Jay split up because he told her he wasn’t always there for her... he got together with someone else. And this didn’t entirely bother her, because she wanted him happy, but it pissed her off. He went and told her that, acting as if he would leave again… and then got together with someone else, falling into love yet again. She felt betrayed in a sense.

            After months passed, and Jay finally disappeared from her life for good, she hurt. She hated being mad at someone whom she would always love. It killed her inside at points, but she didn’t regret being mad all too much because... who wouldn’t be? The two had promises together, had a seal, and were each other’s first loves. With broken edges and torn seams, the two still would always hold each other in their hearts, but would casually push the other to the back of their minds, not wanting to bring the subject up.

            When Melanie informed Juliane of why she was acting like she did, Juliane wasn’t all surprised. She knew everything that went on, she knew the little things that Melanie kept from the world. She knew about when Melanie and Jay made that special seal that Melanie would hold onto forever. She knew when he returned one day, before getting with the other person, that the two kissed and later on made that seal. She knew how Melanie had been hurt, was upset, and saw the reasoning behind her actions. This wasn’t a complete shocker to her. And Melanie secretly called Juliane her diary.

            So as months passed, and new friends came along, and Melanie only got worse, she sensed something was up. That was until Melanie got together with Changjo. See, no one else probably even noticed, but with Changjo, Melanie got shy, sweet, and all that around him. She went from hyper, crazy girl to the normal teenager who was crushing. And looking back from that moment to now, no one would recognize her. At all.

            After Melanie and Changjo broke up though, Melanie went on back to her ways, getting worse and worse. With newer people coming along, she pushed it. And she should’ve known sooner or later someone would comment on her persona. They did.

            When you’ve been hurt, and broken, and you go and cover it up with some fake persona that is based off of a small obsessed or bit of your personality, things can get.. out of hand, so to say. And when things did one day, and someone bit back at Melanie’s ways, she only pushed it and started to annoy the person on purpose. But what people didn’t know is that the negative comments against her hurt deep down. They stabbed like knives and were sharp. If she could’ve actually let her feelings out about it, she would’ve cried. But who does that? The weak. She considered any form of hurt shown towards people about that was considered weak. She only built herself up on those comments, showing strength and an ‘I don’t care’ attitude.

            After almost two years at K&A, and only a short period of time with her being ‘normal’, she got used to the hyperactive attitude and persona. She pushed it. She acted as annoying as possible to those who would show their signs of annoyance from her. She would overdo every small action.

            For those who were used to her and were her true friends, they didn’t mind. If they did, they wouldn’t show it. They cared for Melanie and Melanie knew it. But eventually, she got people who got annoyed and didn’t really like her. Even though they didn’t say it, she sensed. She even got a bit paranoid. Especially when people who post about how they disliked people at KA.

            And then one day, Melanie had another crush. But instead of being normal about it, she hid it until it got too much to bear. Who did she run to? Juliane. She posted about how she wanted to punch someone in the face, her crush, and she told Juliane why. Later on, Krystal found out, too. But… She didn’t want to crush on anyone. Not for fear of rejection, because she wasn’t the type to fear that, but for fear of breaking a friendship and losing someone. She never could stand to lose someone. Ever.

            It took her a long time to actually get over her crush. She begged and begged, wishing on stars that he’d get in a relationship, and he did, she said ‘thank God’ to that. Which it ended her crush right there.

            But in the midst of it all, Juliane knew the reasons behind all of this. Melanie didn’t want to face it, because facing it meant reliving your past for a moment; she couldn’t do that.

            So, all in all, what was the point of this and that small word affecting her so badly that it sent her into this mood – a sad, wanting to run away from the world type of mood? She had been hurt. She was broken inside, repaired by imaginary tape and staples. She was afraid of people and their comments. And just recently had she decided to calm down, but feared it because she didn’t want to portray her true self; the weak, hurt girl that everyone didn’t know. And as days passed since her decision, every time someone would act a certain way, or do anything that could possibly go against the young girl, her fake persona who shine through and she’d annoy the shit out them. So, today, when the word ‘princess’ was uttered, like it had been many times before by the boy.. she broke.

            Princess was her nickname from her first boyfriend. Candy Princess was her title. A long, pushed back title that she hated to remember, though it was her email and listed on her profile. Candy was something she hated, but ate because it was her signature thing that everyone knew her for (and it tasted good). Hyperactivity and being overly confident was a persona that was overused for fear that someone who break her inner self down. Pushing people away with her annoyingness was a way to never hurt again. And with that one simple word, someone broke through her walls and crushed her. The memories flooded inside her new world, burying her alive and strangling her, leaving her there to slowly diminish into a fragile state. But... if you talked to her, you wouldn’t know that. She would appear hyper, happy, and dumb – no signs of anything wrong. All because she was used to it. Used to the fakeness of her reality. Although, it wasn’t entirely that fake and untrue, because she was naturally confident and hyper, loved candy, loved socializing and being random... the fakeness of it was the overuse of it. No one ever understood that except a minor few. And maybe they didn’t understand that either.

            To those who didn’t know, she’d appear the same, but maybe a bit worse. To everyone at KA, she’d appear so annoying they’d want to hit her. She could deal with it. She’s gotten used to the idea of people not liking her. Everyone already thought of her as too hyper, too annoying, too childish. It was at a point that when someone, one of KA’s most serious citizens said to people that he’s seen her lady-like and all that.. that’s a moment Melanie cherished. Because she had shown her true self just to be nice. And he stood up for her for a slight moment. Though… the others didn’t really believe what he said.

            But in the end, she’d push it all away, she’d go to bed, forget everything and wake up the next totally fine. ‘Princess’ would be covered up and ignored when said. She’d put on her mask, face the world, and be worse tomorrow. She had to be. Because inside she was vulnerable and hurt again... outside, she had to be Lanie. And Lanie wasn’t Melanie.